Friday, January 8, 2010

How I keep my New Years Resolutions

It’s Friday my favourite day of the week. One week into my new years resolutions and I’m doing great. Here’s my resolutions and why I’m doing so well:

1) Lose weight


I will start with the easiest one to keep. Lose weight until I’m supermodel thin. I know, it’s crazy and unrealistic, BUT it makes me feel better when I am eating chocolate cake because I KNOW that trying to achieve supermodel skinniness is a foolish endeavour and can only be accomplished with a muzzle and good diet drugs like cocaine or crystal meth. I don’t own a muzzle, the good drugs are illegal and in the end . . . I’m left with this really nice piece of cake. Look, it’s twisted logic but whatever it takes so I can eat chocolate cake while surfing the net for good celebrity gossip, guilt free, works in my world.

2) Work out more

I get my workouts in so I don’t even notice them. I workout with the occasional walk/cardio in my routine and some weight training. My walks from one end of the vast Costco parking lot from my car to the entrance and back again while pushing a heavy Costco cart with a broken wheel is my cardio. When the cart is full of *groceries I get points (in my book) for weight training. If I shopped at Costco more I would be in the best shape ever but there is only so much shopping a girl can do in a week which brings me to my next resolution.

*The crispy fries I buy at the concession are necessary energy for that walk.

3) Spend Less Money


I’m the mom. That means I spend 90% of our disposable income. I do all the shopping. I buy all the food, clothing, cleaning supplies, medication, car repairs, house repairs, wants and needs of the whole family. I have started to delegate all that spending. I give the occasional list to my hubby when he walks out the door. Now that my son drives he gets a list and some cash also. Online shopping is another wonderful way to delegate all that spending. I have accounts already set up so I’m not even pulling out my credit card. Context is everything. (or is it denial?) As long as I’m not spending or I am one step removed from actually touching cash or credit cards I am spending less. Next item:

4) Be a nicer person

I am a nice person. About 10 days out of the month I am very pleasant and nice. The rest of the month is divided up just so: I have about 7 days of  bitchy p.m.s.  and the other 14 days? I am a mother and stepmother of two teenagers  ‘nough said.

5) Be a ‘Better’ Parent

An acquaintance with grown kids once said to me, while we were lamenting how difficult it can be to raise kids: “in the end, you’re either paying for bail or tuition.” He had a point. Yes, my delusions of being in control of my children and their lives ended pretty quick the day my precious toddler screamed “NO” and had a full out tantrum in the middle of a public place full of old ladies tut tutting and on another lovely day *when the police showed up at my door to speak to my teenage son. That was the day I threw up my hands in surrender and started drinking more, which in the end, made me a much calmer, kinder parent.

*police incident was resolved with no jail time

6) Drink less

New year 2010 061

See # 5


  1. Love it! Very similar to my resolutions sans the toddler (although I DO think a teenage girl can often be a cocktail of toddler, teenager and one very mean woman all rolled into one!):-)

  2. You are so funny, I better tweet this next :) Such a good writer my sister!!

  3. Oh, this is hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh!

    Btw, I found your blog via Maria's tweet, I didn't know you were sisters.

    Love your logic, LOL!


  4. That was great - very funny!! I like your twisted logic, and especially #5. Just to mention ONE of our Teenager vs. The Law experiences - heard the police helicopter circling overhead the neighbourhood late one summer night and just KNEW they were looking for my son. Seems he and his buddies decided to climb the roof of the elementary school to get a better view of the Canada Day fireworks but the neighbour who spied them up there thought they were going to torch it.
    Hang in there...

  5. So funny! I am happy your sister tweeted this because it allowed me to find your blog :)

  6. Deborah, I love your story. It's our teenagers not age that gives us the grey hairs!

  7. Holly,
    The other day I told Jordan to whine and roll his eyes for me - I was annoyed about something and I told him to do it for me because he does it soo much better - he hits just the right notes for the whine and the body language is perfect for the rolling of the eyes/whine combo.

  8. Fantastic post & thank you to Maria for tweeting about it.

    I think you & I are having the same life - though I should be better trained as its my 4th time through teens (well 5 if you count myself) but this is the 1st with a daughter. WOW! Husband is thinking about moving out until she marries - given she's 14 that's a long time away.

    Give me boys anytime!

  9. You are so funny! What a great post! Love it! And I'm on your email list now. I'm glad you got that working (sorry I never got back to you on that - I was inundated with work...). Love you!

  10. Hahahah!!! I like how you think -- especially with resolutions # 1 and #4 :-)

    Happy 2010 -- enjoy the chocolate cake and drinking and bitchy PMS :-D


  11. haha anita i love this! you're so funny! I love the way you tell your stories - priceless!


  12. Anita..You are truly so funny! I had a pretty good chuckle over this one. My teenagers do give me a few gray hairs..but they are also my best friends. (Although it's a good thing the Marines took over my job with son # 1--good for everyone. He discovered what a nice mommy I really was after all. Amazing!)

  13. Oh my Anita, I had yet another laugh re-reading this...especially about the losing weight, being nice, and drinking less wine. I wonder if every woman struggles with those issues to some degree. :o)

    I replied to your comment today and thought I'd drop it off here. :o)

    February 6, 2011 9:53 AM

    Anita, thanks so much for saying so. I know I'm not that great of a singer, but I figured I might as well share my music as to leave it stuck on a piece of paper in a drawer. :o)

    I know just what you mean about being able to visit!! You know I used to be so shy about just 'being me'. I had the oddest ideas of what 'blogging' was all about. Now, I don't worry..I just chatter. (Using my best grammar and spelling of course-LoL!)

    I do hope you like tomorrow's post. I'm working on making it 'clearer', but it's about being content with our 'space'. It might not apply to people with larger homes, but the principle applies to a lot more than just space.

    Just another one of those 'lessons of life' that I had to learn the hard way. Sigh..perhaps there isn't any 'easy' way to learn these things. Or maybe I'm just hard headed. :o)

    Have a lovely day..Anita..and well..I think I'll go make that cup of tea..

    PS. Kids ALL have the stomach I'm home this morning. It's very quiet around here!